Having a random hookup so left but love u
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
