i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
