i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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