My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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