Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
