So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
