Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
