Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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