Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
and i looked up. we had an audience...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
