ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
