drinking out of a sandbucket again
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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