You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
