did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
