I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
