I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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