Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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