dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
