dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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