Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
