Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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