i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
