Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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