This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
