my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
