it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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