He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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