my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
