Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
