i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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