I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
