I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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