is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
