so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
