she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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