When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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