I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
