We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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