Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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