Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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