your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
