she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
