Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
