apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
