you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
