Buhtt sex?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
