Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
