I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
