i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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