somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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