Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
