Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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