Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
